The pandemonium that overruns my imagination was a ghost created by none other than myself. It was almost dumb to watch this facade manifest itself into an emotional wreck. See, i was not born with a silver spoon and living around better to do kids left my mind deranged. I was suffering from the deadly sin - Envy, and how could i not. My parents have been warning me about the signs ever since i was little, how people around me will seem to do/live better, that i only have to mind my own business. Apparently, the many parts where my friend's Mom and Dad bought them sticker books, Gameboys, Megadrive, Playstations, Fucking Holidays, Air condition, and ultimately Vehicles was too overwhelming for my own good. Two bloody decades past, snowball the trauma and Deja vu only serves to shudder my frame and make my knees go weak. And so came the night when THE gustly wind blew and the leaves clunging thin was blown away....(like how a narrator in the old days would read it), this kid decided to do something.
The objective was to obtain $30 000 before i fulfil the rendezvous with the most important woman of my life. I was failing badly, not even a third of it was owned by then and the objectives changed. I needed to be rich faster.
From placing a thousand dollars on Man Utd, then a 500 bucks blitz on Barcelona, a short redemption on Kop's win over the Toon, then blast it all away after temptation by Yuxiang to attempt two AFC game that i am clueless about. That's $1700 blown away in a span of 48 hours.
I decided to take one more gamble. It was 2137 hours and I had just 3000 shares at the price of 3.31. With the violent bangs my ribs are getting from my heart, it was surprising i got to sleep. The market opened the next day with the price standing at 3.55. From my pervious experience, share prices stuck at that amount will drop slightly before rising back to a higher number. Elated at the ideal scenario, i sold the entire 3 lots that i owned to (much regret later) discover that i was unable to buy them back. The restriction was implemented on the program by Philips Capital which is utter bullshit because the limit to sell should have no correlation to the limit to purchase. Fuck them.
The next 3 hours was an unmoved straight line on the chart. A minute after those monotonous moments, it went up to 3.89. I recalled i was pretty sane at that point not until when the market opened the next day at 4.45. I punched the table. The pain of smelling those notes perish into thin air was akin to standing on quicksand hanging on a helium balloon. Problem was the balloon wasn't seem big enough. Worst was to follow and in a moment of panick, the numbers started fluctuating upwards, i grabbed 2 lots at 4.33 hoping the soar will continue. It didnt, it went down. Regret, regret and regret ever since Ryan Giggs scored the opener. Fuck Giggs.
A few days back, Ronaldo infamously shrugged off the jacket when he was substituted at the 59th minute of the game. Knowing Ronaldo's behaviour like any hot blooded male, there was too much negative adrenaline to be unleashed. Unfortunately, it was meant for Wigan (Manchester United's next opponent). Too bad for them, especially when their star keeper, Kirkland is out of the clash. My impatience and my petulence at not heeding any omen (the Snake in my dream), i stashed a thousand onto the game, bagging the Red Devils to win by a two goal margin.
I woke up staring at the headline on my iPhone - Man United closing in on title until i clicked next. Wigan 1 Man 2. It was not disbelief. It was just me having a go at sheer chance if i was able to recoup what happened. Guess not. I was not as depressed as the day the shares shot up. This was instead my gamble on my knowledge that Ronaldo would be on fire this morning and that the rookie keeper would do me favours. Guess not. I had forseen a richer Aloysius today. Guess not.
But Guess what? its only $3000++ blown away. It wont be too long before i get them back. I did not feel as deranged as i was a week ago. I felt a little stupid, yes but i am happy. It was a calculated risk i was prepared to take and prepared to lose. The equation was simple, you win and you lose. I lost, game over and i paid. That also concludes my hand at the shit hole called gambling.
Just fuck it.
That's life.
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Posted By Aloysius to
paradox of silence at 5/14/2009 04:34:00 PM
